Thursday, 22 October 2009

It Must Be your Car

Trying to get your family to recognise your disorder is the hardest thing i have found since being diagnosed with Chiari and Syringomyelia. I still suffer greatly with constant pain in my whole body.I still get chronic fatigue,problems with speech, vision, Headaches, walking, memory loss, impotence, seizures, electric shocks in my head arms and legs. I sometimes find my self trying to do the simplest of tasks and my brain is not working in conjunction with my hands, like folding a towel, i know what i should be doing but my hands and mind suddenly stop and i am left just staring at the towel thinking " come on you idiot work". I am asked to do some choirs around the house and i either forget most of what i have been asked to do or find i cant do it. My wife will hit the roof when she gets home from work for either forgetting or not finishing a job. I know my In laws are thinking what a bum he is not getting a job or doing things round the house. I am constantly being told by my wife that i am a waste of space, brain dead or a moron, i do not communicate half the time ( this is because i am in sooo much pain or don't feel with it). Its not that i don't want to talk its just that i need to deal with it the way i know. I don't socialise with people the way i used to as i don't feel up to it or am embarrassed because of the way i sometimes feel and speak. I know people are thinking " whats the matter with him, he don't look ill or he's had the operation now so why isn't he better. I just cant find a way of explaining why i don't feel better, if i try to explain people just make excuses for me. This is why i have titled this post as It must be your car. Let me explain. As you know by reading my other posts i am not well. My car has been smelling of petrol just lately , you can only smell it out side the car. I picked up my mother in law yesterday and she said " i can smell petrol" she then came out with the most ignorant thing to date, " that's probably why you have not been feeling well". She had obviously told my wife about the petrol problem and she then said the same. Oh my god. My three year old son tried to draw on our living room wall the other day and my father in law said, " don't do that, your daddy will have to get the paint brush out and that will be too hard for him i guess" in a way of sarcasm.

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